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I have been friends with a woman, who has faced and conquered numerous hardships, her resilience is commendable. But, she's often blindsided in relationships. Her partner walked away, which came as a huge shock. Many of her social circle vanished during that time, since they had been drawn to the spouse. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention in our friendship, probably realised better the essence of true friendship.

The Pattern of Disappearance

Throughout this period, several close to her vanished without her being certain of the reason. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, she departed unaware of what had changed.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in our friendship feels one-sided. I introduce discussion points and she changes them to what interests her. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. I attempt to propose factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been arranging a vacation to a nation I've visited on several occasions even called home previously. I attempted to offer insights, yet it was not welcomed. She really solely sought me to confirm her plans. I've just come back from a month there she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Weighing the Options

I am unwilling to act as a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she will ever grasp the impact of her behaviour on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

One option is to cut and run, yet this is seldom the easy answer we imagine. But confrontation with the goal of a solution demands strength and readiness for each of you.

Experts suggest using a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"Step one requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. It should be objective and clear and basically what a recording device would replay. Step two involves sharing how this affects you emotionally. There should be no argument here. Your feelings are valid, of course. The third step is to ask how you are both can shift the interaction in your relationship."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, so you need to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating her:

"Now you talk and I'm going to not say anything for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful to encourage better communication.

Final Thoughts

She may dismiss everything, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a version of their life they're unable to let go of since their identity is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge because there's no easy route in such cases, only cul-de-sacs. Yet she could at first react defensively and then think your perspective. If you never reach an agreement, you'll have peace from having been honest with her.